


Bounce

by OldSchoolTrekkie



Category: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964), Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Friendship, Gen, Reindeer, Spock can't lose his captain, Star Trek: TOS, Worried Spock is worried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 11:01:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2848529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldSchoolTrekkie/pseuds/OldSchoolTrekkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim is kidnapped. So of course, Spock goes looking for him, and is joined in his search by a red-nosed reindeer and an elf with aspirations other than toy-making. Set between Star Trek  V: The Final Frontier and Star Trek IV: The Undiscovered Country. No need to have seen those films, but you should be at least familiar with TOS and have seen Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and the 1963 Rankin-Bass production of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (yeah, the one with the singing snowman)</p><p>Rated G, family friendly crack, in the manner of "TOS meets Christmas while everyone's on crack, especially the author." I own none of these characters, but I've known them forever and they feel like old friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If I could talk to the animals...

**Author's Note:**

> Rest assured, the entire story is already written. The second part will be up as soon as I finish proofing/editing, so go ahead and subscribe to get the rest -- soon.
> 
> While writing, I was picturing the Kirk and Spock figures (in the red uniforms with white collar) released by ERTL for The Wrath of Khan, interacting with the stop motion figures of Christmas Town.
> 
> Random references to other works are tossed in wherever my brain thought they worked. Let me know if you see 'em -- not sure if they're too obscure or subtle for anyone but me to recognize.

 

"Tractor beam now!" Commander Spock raised his voice to be heard over the intruder alert klaxon. "Immobilize object on port side."

"Moving too fast, sir. We can't get a lock on it," Lieutenant Anderson reported from the Engineering station.

"I have it on my sensors. Speed is increasing exponentially. Mister Sulu – if we lose that object, we lose the Captain."

"Understood, sir."

 

* * *

 

 

**_Five minutes earlier…_ **

"How the mighty have fallen," sighed James T. Kirk, without preamble. Standing behind his command chair, he was gazing toward viewscreen of the Enterprise-A, without really seeing the display.

"Second Samuel chapter 1," Spock responded automatically, but cocked his head to one side as he turned a puzzled glance to his captain, who gave him a lopsided grin. "Jim?"

"I know. I'm ripping it out of context, yes, Spock. But that phrase itself describes how I've been feeling lately." Kirk sighed, rubbing his hand roughly over his face, then back to his neck, kneading the knotted muscles his fingers found.

He walked toward the view screen, gesturing expansively as he continued, Spock moving to converge with him at the front of the bridge.

"What are we even doing out here? I mean… _what_ , Spock? I was Starfleet's Golden Boy,” he grinned at his second’s raised eyebrow. “Yes, Spock, I knew what they called me. And yes, it was a long time ago, but… _Enterprise_ was the _flagship,_ Spock. We…made a difference. But now….” He trailed off to silence for a moment. “But now…Yes, we have a ship again. The _Enterprise_ – again. Well, she’s _called_ ‘Enterprise’ at least, but she's not quite the same, is she? And you're not…" Kirk looked down at his feet, unable to look at Spock as he voiced that particular thought. "Well…we're none of us the same, are we? And Starfleet isn't… _doing_ anything with us. Not anything important, at least. We’re relegated to cataloguing gaseous anomalies. Anomalies discovered by other ships that were too busy with critical missions to catalogue them at the time. This should be handled by a science vessel…” he trailed off again, shaking his head. Looking up at Spock again, sounding almost broken.

 

“Is this all that’s left for us, Spock?” he whispered to his friend. “I feel like an old, unwanted toy that's been forgotten in the closet."

 

Anything further Kirk said was drowned out when the intruder alert sounded.

 

* * *

 

When it was over, not one member of the bridge complement was entirely able to describe what had occurred. Spock knew, with perfect certainty, that his captain had been standing next to him at the front of the bridge, near the viewscreen, voicing a somewhat emotional assessment of their situation. He knew, with that same certainty, that his captain was no longer standing there, nor was he anywhere else on the bridge. Spock calculated a .9976 probability that Jim was no longer on the Enterprise. The gossamer thread that had mentally connected him to his captain for years told Spock that Jim lived still, but gave him no other information.

Flying to his station, Spock had immediately located an object – a quite impossible object - off their port side, and ordered the tractor beam. Although the entire process took only seconds, it was too slow. The puzzling object was gone, presumably along with Jim. Spock mused to himself that the object had sped away with a velocity equal to or greater than the improbability of its very existence – an illogical assessment that he immediately dismissed as ridiculous, shaking his head at himself for even having the thought.

 

* * *

 

 

Lively bits of speculation peppered the bridge.

"It vuz a lion." Chekov insisted, ridiculously. "I know vut a lion looks like. I haf seen holos. It vuz a lion."

The Enterprise was still pursuing the unidentified object that had, in all likelihood, made off with their captain. Spock listened intently, gathering data from the conversation, since there was no further to glean from his instruments.

"Pavel, lions can't suddenly appear on ships in deep space," argued Sulu. Then he grinned wickedly and said, "Or….was it a Russian lion?" Chekov reddened and frowned, but said nothing more.

"It had wings," interjected Uhura. "Mr. Spock, I couldn't tell what it was, but it definitely had huge wings."

"All I saw was a glint of gold," Engineer Anderson mentioned to nobody in particular.

Eyes widened when Spock finally spoke.

"According to my observations and the readings I was able to make before the object eluded us, each of you is correct."

 

* * *

 

 

 _Squeak, squeak_.

 

James T. Kirk's eyes snapped open.

 

 _Squeak, squeak_.

 

Kirk assessed his surroundings as best he could before moving. By the dim light, he saw walls built of cut-stone block. Decorative tapestries. There was nobody else in the room, so the sound had come from outside. The faint squeaking sound continued. And…footsteps? Shuffling along in stocking feet, by the sound of it – in the hallway, and judging by the steps that fell so quickly, one after the other, those feet were at the end of some very short legs.

Kirk braced himself as the doorknob turned and the door creaked open. When Jim saw what had entered the room, his eyebrows and jaw moved in opposite directions.

 

“ _Fascinating_ ,” he chuckled to himself. “I wish Spock was here to see this…”

* * *

 

 

Though the strange object had eluded their tractor beam, the Enterprise sensors were easily able to track it, and in a short time, the Enterprise entered orbit around a planet in the system known only as _Bass_. The planet, dubbed _Rankin,_ was uncannily earthlike, down to the shapes of the continents and the weather patterns. The sensors picked up the signal from Kirk’s subcutaneous transponder somewhere in the planet’s northern polar region, but they were unable to pinpoint a precise location due to curiously elevated quantities of highly reflective materials on the surface in that area, especially high in forested areas. Locating the captain was looking nearly impossible.

 

So, of course, Spock beamed down immediately.

 

* * *

 

 

Once on the planet, Spock found the likely source of the interference: shining silver and gold ornamentation adorning every tree, of which there were entirely too many for a polar region, and every one resembled an evergreen native to Earth. There were candles on a good many of the trees, and the Vulcan observed that, despite a steady breeze, the candles burned without flickering. The wind neither extinguished the flames, nor fanned them to singe a single limb. "Curious," Spock commented to nobody.

 

Wafting through the trees came the sound of distant music and singing.

_"We're not daffy or dilly,_

_don't go 'round willy-nilly_

_seems to us kind of silly_

_that we don't fit in."_

Two distinct voices joined together happily in a most illogical song. With nothing else to go on, Spock followed the music.

 

* * *

 

 

A bemused Captain James T. Kirk moved along the corridor between a pair of the most unusual guards he'd ever encountered. The elephant guard on his left, plush and white with pink spots, and not quite half a meter tall, had opened the door to inform him that it was time for him to see the king.

 

 _Of course, it’s just as likely that this is all an hallucination – had Bones accidently given him cordrazine instead of a vitamin injection during his last exam?_ The guard to his right interrupted his thoughts.

"You said your name is Jim,” said the second guard, a sad little yellow scooter. “Do your friends call you…Jimmy?" Kirk would swear, when he later recalled the events, that the talking scooter had looked very…hopeful…when it asked the question.

* * *

 

_"We may be_

_different from the rest_

_Who decides the test_

_of what is really best?"_

 

Spock silently stopped just outside a clearing. The song seemed to be drawing to a close.

One appeared to be a human, or at least humanoid, male, but of a somewhat abbreviated stature. He was wearing a belted blue coat with white fur collar and cuffs, mauve trousers, matching blue and mauve pointed hat over blond hair, and black shoes curving upward into pointed toes.

The diminutive humanoid's companion seemed to be a young member of the genus _rangifer tarandus_ , commonly known as reindeer, but it was obviously no common specimen, for the tiny reindeer was dancing around in the forest, and singing along with the petite humanoid.

 

_"We're a couple of misfits,_

_We're a couple of misfits,_

_what's the matter with misfits?_

_That's where we fit in!"_

 

The music that had accompanied their song ceased, its source remaining a mystery. The reindeer sniffed the air and turned to look directly at Spock. Discovered, he moved from his hiding place to join the pair. The reindeer was the first to speak.

"Hello, sir. Can we help you? Are you…." He cocked his head to one side, obviously looking at Spock's ears. "Are you an elf?" He looked over at his companion. "Hermey? He's so…tall. Is he…?"

The blond humanoid looked Spock up and down. "Hmm. Could be. Once, I read a book with tall elves in the story. They lived in a faraway place. Some of them went on a journey with a...dwarf, and some hob...hob-bits… but you dress differently and have…really short hair." He looked at Spock, waiting for a response. "Where are your bow and arrows?"

"I am, indeed, from a very faraway place, " the Vulcan began. It seemed best to leave it at that. "I have come looking for my companion, Jim, who was taken away without consent. I was able to them follow to this…place." He was reluctant to say planet, not knowing the inhabitants' understanding of things cosmic. "But I have lost the trail. My name is Spock."

"Hello, Spock. My name is Hermey. I'm a dentist. And this," he indicated his friend, "is Rudolph."

"Pleased to meet you, sir," said Rudolph, his nose lighting up bright red with the greeting. "We're not going anywhere in particular right now, just leaving a place where we're not wanted. If you like, we can help you look for your friend."

Knowing it may be helpful to be in the company of those familiar with the territory, Spock accepted their offer.

"That would be most agreeable," Spock replied, as he simultaneously wondered if the fact that he was not only conversing with what was widely regarded as a non-sentient creature, but also admiring the articulate reindeer's manners, would warrant a mental examination upon return to the ship. He dismissed the question as lacking sufficient data for a conclusion. Also, there were more immediate matters at hand.

"From the words of your song, I gather the two of you feel as though you do not conform to the expectations of your peers. I have experienced similar situations throughout my life. I believe a sharing of experiences as we search for my friend would be mutually advantageous. Rudolph, I find the luminous quality of your proboscis to be quite fascinating."

He was answered by suspicious looks on two small faces. Spock made a note to himself to consider a question at a later time: How had he discerned an expression of any kind on a reindeer's face, let alone one of suspicion?

Once Spock explained himself in simpler terms, and the reindeer was convinced that their new friend really was fascinated, not making fun, he was glad to answer Spock's questions and allow closer observation of said proboscis. Rudolph and Hermey were delighted to find a companion who not only understood and accepted their differences, but was interested in learning more about them.

 

* * *

 

The talking snowman they had come upon, ambulating in an inexplicable manner through the Christmas Tree Forest, had surprised Spock slightly more it should have, given the existence of a singing, dancing reindeer, a dentist elf, and the creature that had taken the captain. Rudolph seemed to know Sam, the snowman, and apprised him of their situation. Sam tried to deter his little friends from leaving, explaining that their families and friends would worry about them, no matter what the two thought. When this failed, he agreed to keep an eye out for Jim.

"I'm glad to know you're with them," Sam the Snowman whispered to Spock as they left. Spock merely bowed his head in return.

Night was starting to fall. Spock realized their search was going to take much longer than he'd anticipated or prepared for, and that he could not merely beam up to the ship without raising many questions. He made a decision.

"Would you kindly excuse me for a few minutes?" he asked of his traveling companions, who thought nothing of it. Each of them had made similar requests several times that day, presumably to relieve themselves, and this was Spock's first time to do so. While they waited for him, he disappeared behind some trees, then kept going, until he judged the distance far enough that he wouldn't be heard. Opening his communicator, he signaled the Enterprise. He would have to fabricate an explanation, but the deception was necessary, both for survival and to keep knowledge of his and Jim's origins from the native population.

When Spock returned, he was met with a roaring growl which seemed to come from the mountains nearby. Rudolph and Hermey were quaking with fear.

"It's my nose! He sees my nose!" the little reindeer cried. Hermey covered the red beacon, and the roaring ceased shortly after.

"May I inquire as to who or what made that sound?" Spock asked the pair.

"It's the Abominable Snow Monster of the North!" they replied simultaneously, seemingly surprised at his lack of knowledge in this area.

Despite his experiences heretofore, Spock had not been prepared for such an outrageous answer. Therefore, his extreme reaction – the simultaneous raising of both eyebrows – while inexcusable, was quite understandable. It was quite clear the two were entirely serious, and thoroughly frightened, so Spock did not doubt for a minute the validity of their claim. He was suddenly grateful for the phaser that was conealed in one of the pockets of his coat.

Spock beckoned Hermey and Rudolph to follow. He led them to a pile of camping supplies, with a sign posted next to them. It read, "Emergency Provisions for Travelers. Use what you need. Leave what you don't." Realizing the elf and reindeer would refuse to use anything Spock "found" because it belonged to someone else who would come back for it, he'd had ship's stores make up the sign as well as provide the supplies necessary for a night in arctic temperatures. He had surmised correctly: they had demurred, until Hermey read the sign out loud to Rudolph.

Spock made ready an area for a fire and found some nearby kindling while the other two gathered firewood. He was able to get a small fire burning before they came back, so no questions were asked about the ignition method. That had been fortuitous, as the piezoelectric fire starter, while old-fashioned by Spock's standards, would likely have aroused curiosity. Camp was set up and rations consumed. Spock suggested that he take the first watch. He had no intention of sleeping that night, but would meditate when the elf relieved him in three hours. The fire was stoked up, with extra firewood at hand, and the first watch began.

The trio was up with the sun, breaking camp and re-packing the gear they'd "borrowed." Spock's sensitive ears picked up the sounds of barking in the distance. He turned toward the noise. As it closed on them, a man's voice was audible as well. A sled, pulled by an unlikely assortment of small dogs, came into view.

"Mush! Muuuush! Moosh! Don'tcha understand North Pole talk? Mush!" The figure driving the dogsled stopped beside their makeshift camp and hopped off his sled.

Dressed in a blue cold weather coverall and a red knit cap, the figure was roughly as tall as Spock, but much bulkier in build. He had a full red beard and wide mustache. A revolver and a hammer were tucked into his belt.

" _Who_ are _you_?" Rudolph wondered out loud.

"Who am _I_?" the man responded, loudly. "The name's Yukon Cornelius. The greatest prospector in the north! This is my land, and you know? It's rich with gold. GOLD! Gold and silver. Silver and gold. _WAHOOOO!_ "

He grabbed a small pickaxe from the dogsled, tossed it high into the air, and watched it fall to the ground. Picking it up, he sniffed at it, and then…licked it. "Nuthin!" he declared, putting the pick away.

Yukon finally noticed Spock. The prospector looked him up and down, then asked, "Where's your bow and arrows?" Spock's response was the lifting of a single eyebrow. If Jim were around, Spock would have had to deny that he was smiling. Jim was not, and nobody else would notice, or care, so denials were unnecessary.

"Oh, well. I'm off to get my life-sustaining supplies: Cornmeal and gunpowder and hamhocks and guitar strings. I'll give you little fellas a lift. Hop aboard mateys." He lifted the tiny reindeer and elf onto the pile of gear already on the sled. Looking at Spock, he asked, "You'll be okay on foot?"

Spock assured him he would have no trouble keeping up. In fact, the desert-born Vulcan knew that moving at a quicker pace would aid him in keeping warm in this chill climate.

"Now, mush. Mush! Mush!" Cornelius shouted and snapped his whip at his sled dogs, who thoroughly ignored him. He got off the sled and walked to the front, lifting the reins off the dogs and taking them himself.

"Like this. Now, watch." Yukon Cornelius began pulling the sled, the dogs barked and yipped and happily jumped aboard. Spock jogged along behind the sled.

As they started on their way, the growling roar they'd heard the previous night broke the silence. Unlike last night, the sound was quite nearby. The prospector paused and turned to look back toward the source, as did Spock.

 _Abominable, indeed_ , thought Spock. The ridiculously blue-faced creature had googly eyes and a large maw that looked not quite large enough to hold the disturbingly high number of sharp-looking teeth it contained. Shaggy white fur covered the entire body, save the blue face and hands. It was clinging to the top of some jagged ice cliffs, expressing its displeasure with gusto.

"Gadzooks! The Bumble Snow Monster of the North Strikes again! Whoop!" shouted the greatest prospector of the north.

"My nose! It keeps giving us away!" Rudolph turned to let Hermey cover his brightly glowing nose again, but it didn't make a difference this time. It was daylight, and the creature had seen all of them. It roared again, climbing down from its perch and closing on the group.

"If there's anything I hate, it's a noisy Bumble Snow Monster," stated Yukon Cornelius to whoever was paying attention. The creature was getting closer.

"If I may suggest, we should make haste away from this location," Spock suggested, with slightly more urgency in his voice than he would normally allow.

"Never mind that - we need to run!" the prospector answered, grabbing the reins again and taking off, sled trailing behind.

Spock did not immediately follow. He remained in place, drawing his phaser once the others were out of sight. Confirming the stun setting, he fired at the Abominable Snow Monster of the North, dropping it easily. Only after securing the weapon in its hiding place within his coat did he turn and run to catch up. The Vulcan found the others at a standstill, right where the ice underfoot ended at a body of water. There was no place else to go.

"The creature has stopped following use, but might I suggest that we press on, nevertheless. It may yet take up the trail again," Spock suggested.

Cornelius shook his head and asked, "Do all the elves where you come from talk like that?"

"Sir, I suggest we utilize your tools and endeavor to break free a section of this ice, large enough to transport our contingent across this body of water."

"Say, that's a great idea. If the Bumble does follow, he won't come after us – Bumbles can't swim: they sink like rocks." The prospecting tools were handed out to those who could use them. Rudolph kept an eye out while the others worked.

In a few minutes time, they were floating away from the threat of the creature, toward the land they could see in the distance. Once they had covered approximately half the distance to the land mass in the distance, a thick fog covered the water. It was no longer clear whether they were continuing in the same direction. As there was no method of steering their craft, there was nothing to do but wait.

"I am not usually prone to hyperbole, but this fog is as thick as plomeek soup," Spock thought out loud.

"Don’tcha mean peanut butter, Spock? It's as thick as pea-nut butter," argued Yukon Cornelius.

"Illogical. The consistency of a nut butter – "

"You eat what you like, I'll eat what I like. NYAAAAHHH!"

Spock and Yukon were thrown off their feet as the iceberg raft collided with something immovable, and became unmoving itself.

"Land hooooooo!" yelled Yukon.

"No kidding," Hermey retorted sarcastically.

"Where are we?" Rudolph asked. All disembarked and headed inland. A castle came into view, but it was in the distance, atop a mountain. Like most of the solid surfaces in this place, the mountain appeared to be made of ice.

"Hey, looky up there!" Cornelius was pointing to the sky.

Spock looked up, and didn't quite keep himself from gasping aloud. Nobody noticed, which was only logical. They had no knowledge of Vulcan ways, nor of how many times Spock had already deviated from his usual demeanor during his search for his Captain.

What Spock and the others saw in the sky above was the same being that his sensors had found outside the Enterprise. The being that had taken Jim! Logically, if this creature was here, Jim should be nearby. At the very least, this flying lion would know Jim's whereabouts.

 _Sproinnnng!_ The sound was immediately followed by a gasp and a "Halt! Who goes there?" Spock turned toward the commotion. His fellow travelers were being confronted by an improbably thin figure dressed as a harlequin, save for the long stocking cap on its head and the small, lidded box where one would expect to see legs and feet. Presumably, the sound had been of this…being?…springing up from the box. Curiouser and curiouser.

Cornelius responded to the sentry in his usual carefree manner.

"Us, of course! Who'd ya think?"

"Oh, well, then, that's okay," the box-footed harlequin responded calmly. Then, following a brief reconsideration, it was suddenly outraged, "O-KAY? Who, may I ask, are YOU?" he continued.

"We're Rudolph, and Hermey, and Spock, and Yukon Cornelius, sir. Who are you?" asked Rudolph, defusing the situation with some well-aimed manners.

"I'm the official sentry of the Island of Misfit Toys," he said proudly.

"A jack-in-the-box for a sentry?" wondered Hermey aloud. "Yes," replied the jack-in-the-box." My name is..."

"Don't tell me," interrupted Rudolph. "Jack."

"No," the sentry responded, dejected and now in tears. Rubbing his eyes, he continued. "Charlie. That's why I'm a misfit toy. My name is all wrong. No child wants to play with a Charlie in the box, so I had to come here."

"Where's here?" asked Hermey.

Unseen instruments supplied a melody, and boxes materialized among them, on the snow. Figures began to emerge from the boxes to add their voices to a haunting tune. _"_

 

_We're on the island of misfit toys_

_Here we don't want to stay_

_We want to travel with Santa Claus in his magic sleigh"_

 

Spock apprised the situation, deducing the best course of action. When the music took an upbeat turn, he carefully moved to stand out of the way until the song was done, as the animated toys seemed determined to carry on until its conclusion. _"_

 

_A pack full of toys means a_

_sack full of joys For millions of girls_

_and for millions of boys_

_When Christmas day is here_

_The most wonderful day of the year_

_A jack-in-the-box waits for children to shout_

_"Wake up! Don't you know that it's time to come out!"_

_When Christmas day is here_

_The most wonderful day of the year"_

 

As the music continued, Spock found himself wondering how Jim would react to this highly illogical environment, and then caught himself. If the flying creature they'd just witnessed was indeed the one from the ship, it would be logical to assume that Jim had already experienced some part of this…madness. The music continued as his mind worked, but Spock was aware of it only subliminally as he planned the next phase of his search. _"_

 

_A scooter for Jimmy_

_A dolly for Sue_

_The kind that will even say "How do you do?"_

_When Christmas day is here_

_The most wonderful day of the year_

_How'd you like to be a spotted elephant?_

_Or a choo-choo with square wheels on your caboose?_

_Or a water pistol that shoots... jelly?"_

 

Spock was jolted out of his thoughts when a cold, sticky substance hit him in the face. Defensive training took over and he ducked and moved for cover, simultaneously searching for the assailant. He felt foolish not to have kept his guard up here, in what was likely the base of Jim's kidnapper. _"_

_If we're on the island of unwanted toys_

_We'll miss all the fun with the girls and the boys"_

Spock's senses had begun to analyze the substance with which he had been assaulted. A fruity odor, reminiscent of a juice his mother enjoyed whenever she could obtain some from Earth, as she had not been successful at growing the plant on Vulcan. Concord grape, if he was not mistaken. It was often transformed by reduction cooking into…jelly. He relaxed slightly, but the word clicked with something else in his subconscious. Jelly. The song…Spock searched the crowd of dancing toys and found it. A toy handgun. Was it sheepishly trying to avoid looking at Spock? He dimissed the thought, not because it was untrue, but because of the impending overload of illogic that was threatening his mental faculties. _"_

_When Christmas day is here_

_The most wonderful, wonderful_

_Wonderful, wonderful_

_Wonderful day of the year!"_

 

Spock looked down when he felt a tug at his jacket. The would-be-dentist elf was offering him a white napkin, which he took, voicing an expression of gratitude. Spock momentarily puzzled over the thin metal chain which was attached to adjacent corners of the napkin, via small metal clips. He removed the chain and handed it back to Hermey, who reddened and pocketed the item. While Spock used the napkin and some snow to clean his face, Rudolph was sharing an idea with the crowd.

"Hey, we're misfits, too. Maybe we could stay here for a while," the reindeer suggested.

"Well, you'd have to get permission from King Moonracer," was the reply from the sentry. Spock was listening now. Moonracer. An unusual but not inappropriate name for a being able to fly among the stars.

"Who's he?" the red-nosed creature inquired.

"He rules here. He searches, oh, everywhere, every night for unwanted toys. When he finds a misfit toy, one that no little girl or boy loves, he brings it here to live on this island till someone wants it. He's holding court in his castle right now." Charlie pointed to the castle up on the mountain.

Something Jim had said on the bridge suddenly replayed in his mind. "Spock, I feel like an old, unwanted toy that's been forgotten in the closet."

 _Fascinating._ Spock had an idea.

"Before we go to see the king, may I briefly address all of you?" A crowd of faces turned toward Spock. "I have come looking for my friend, who was taken against his will." Spock unfastened and removed his coat, exposing his red uniform. "Have any of you seen a man dressed in this manner?"

Two of the toys came forward: a white elephant with pink spots, and a yellow toy with wheels and a high handlebar, which Spock deduced was a vehicle to be used with the rider standing. They had duties in the castle, it turned out, and had seen and spoken to Jim the day before. The riding toy spoke up.

"He said his name was Jim. Do you call him Jimmy? I wanted to go with him, because I'm Jimmy's scooter, and I've never met Jimmy before, but I know I belong to him, but he left without me." The dejected toy gazed up hopefully at Spock, who recalled another part of their song.

 _O_ _f course. A scooter for Jimmy,_ realized Spock. He spoke gently to the sad little toy.

"No, I don’t call my friend Jimmy, nor do any of his other friends. I believe you are more suited to belong to a child. My friend is too large to ride on a small toy such as you. You said that he left. Do you mean Jim is no longer on the island?"

"I think you'd better go talk to King Moonracer," was the nervous suggestion of the spotted elephant.

 

* * *

 

The weary travelers walked up the aisle to come before the throne, upon which was seated a winged lion, wearing a golden, jeweled crown. When it spoke, the deep voice reverberated throughout the massive room.

"Come closer. What do you desire?"

"I have come in search of my friend, whom I believe you took by mistake," Spock said without hesitation. "And these young ones wish to seek asylum on your island."

"Ah, yes. You must be Spock,” the lion’s voice echoed through the chamber. “James was certain you would come to find him. I apologize for my error. These things do happen, but very rarely. If you recall what he said just before I took him, you probably already understand. I offered to allow him to stay until you came for him, but James insisted upon leaving. He said he 'needed some adventure' and asked where he could find a mountain to climb."

Spock sighed audibly, by this point not caring if anyone heard. He regretted not wearing his jet boots and wondered if he could arrange to have them beamed down to a place he could "find" them. Further questioning revealed that, at Kirk's request, King Moonracer had flown Jim over to the land mass which Spock and company had recently left. He'd warned the Captain about the Abominable Snow Monster, and suggested that he make his way to Santa's castle. Spock was neither surprised nor reassured by that information, as Jim's propensity for finding himself in danger was almost as well-documented as his ability to find an unlikely way out of it.

That conversation done, the king turned to address Rudolph and Hermey.

"And now, you two. What do you desire?" the deep voice intoned.

"Well, we're a couple of misfits from Christmas Town, and now we'd like to live here," Rudolph added.

"No, that would not be possible. This island is for toys alone."

"How d'ya like that? Even among misfits, you're misfits." Mr. Cornelius opined.

"Unlike playthings, a living creature cannot hide himself on an island. But, perhaps, being misfits yourselves, you might help the toys here."

"Help them?" Rudolph asked.

"Yes. When someday you return to Christmas Town, would you tell Santa about our homeless toys?" Moonracer asked. "I'm sure he could find little boys and girls who would be happy with them. A toy is never truly happy until it is loved by a child." The king concluded.

"When and if we ever get back, we'll tell Santa, sir," assured the reindeer.

"Good. You are free to spend the night. (Claps paws) Footman, show our friends to their chambers." Their royal audience was ended.  
 

* * *

 

 

Their "chambers" was a tiny cabin, with one bed that nearly filled the single room. They discussed what they should do the next day. Obviously, Spock wanted to find Jim as soon as possible. Since the others knew they couldn't stay on the island, and they had no other plans at the moment, they decided to continue helping Spock search. Rudolph again protested that his nose put all the others in danger, and that he should leave the group for the safety of the others. Spock argued that they would be safer remaining together, and Rudolph seemed to accept that.

Everyone piled onto the big bed, with the exception of Spock, who insisted that he preferred the floor. It was not a fabrication. He would have been unable to rest in the crowded bed.

"So, it's all settled. We leave tomorrow, _together_." Hermey announced. The light was turned off and almost immediately, the sounds of snoring filled the cabin. Spock was disturbed from his meditation by a cold draft. Opening his eyes, he found that the tiny reindeer was missing and the door had been left ajar. Gathering his belongings, he set off to find Rudolph, closing the door tightly behind him.

Easily locating Rudolph in the dark – his nose shone more brightly when fearful or agitated – he caught up, and convinced the tiny reindeer to let Spock accompany him. They found their abandoned ice raft, got it completely back into the chilly water, and pushed off toward Christmas Town, since he now knew Jim should be headed that way. As they floated, Spock used the opportunity to offer some encouragement.

"Rudolph, when I was young, I felt much the way that you do. I was quite different from the others around me, and they made sure I never forgot that. Occasionally, their confrontations came to physical blows. They wanted use my difference to elevate their perception of themselves. You see, this tendency is not unique to your species."

"What did you do?" asked the tiny creature, eyes wide. "As you and Hermey had decided to do earlier, I decided to be independent. I was not like the ones who ridiculed me, and I did not want to be. Once I was of age, I found my own path, my own place in the world. Nobody else could tell me just how to find it. I had to discern it for myself. Before Jim was taken, I was where I should be, and once I find him, I will be there again."

"Are you happy? I can never tell when I look at you. It doesn't show on your face." Spock paused. What would be the harm?

"Yes. Or rather, I will be, once I find Jim again," Spock confessed.

"Is Jim part of your path?" Rudolph inquired.

"More so than I ever could have imagined, young one." _More than I could ever admit to another being_ , he thought.

As they neared the mountainous shore, the familiar roar of the Abominable Snow Monster greeted them. Rudolph shuddered, his nose lighting up the night.


	2. I wonder where I'd go if I could fly around downtown

Rudolph and Spock headed for Christmas Town immediately upon reaching shore. They came to a snowy field in front of the Clauses' castle. Young bucks were gathered there, playing reindeer games. Some of them spotted Rudolph.

"You? I thought you were gone for good. Hey, look who's back! Old Neon Nose!" a random reindeer chided. Those around him laughed and joined in the name-calling.

Rudolph ignored the taunts and headed toward his family's cave. He outdistanced Spock, but was easily tracked by his hoof prints in the new snow. When Spock caught up, Rudolph was speaking with a thin, old man with a full white beard. He was dressed in a subdued red coat and deerstalker cap. Despite discrepancies between his expected appearance and his actual appearance, Spock concluded this must be Santa Claus. Uncharacteristically, he appeared distraught and somewhat unhealthy at the moment.

"Clarice?" Rudolph was asking the sneezing man.

"She's gone too, and I'm very worried. Christmas Eve is only two days off," Santa paused to blow his nose loudly into a red handkerchief, "and without your father, I'll never be able to get my sleigh off the ground." He was suddenly wracked with coughing spasms.

"Gone? I'll find him sir. I'll find them all." Rudolph promised.

"Mr. Claus, if –" Spock began, but was interrupted by Santa.

"I'll keep him here, Spock, and tell him you'll be back." Santa winked at Spock's blatant astonishment. "Yes. I know. You're looking for Jim. We'll lock him up if we have to, so he'll be here when you come back. No more mountain climbing. And I won't tell him how worried you've been." Another fit of coughing.

"Sir, how do you –?"

"Why are you so surprised? Just because you don't believe in Santa doesn't mean he doesn't believe in you!” He winked at Spock. “I _know_ who's been naughty or nice. Believe me, I keep an eye on the two of you! Now go find my reindeer!" Santa Claus walked out of the cave, coughing all the way.

Spock of Vulcan wondered if this was what going mad felt like.

* * *

Rudolph took off running immediately after leaving the cave. Snow had been falling when they arrived, but now it was coming down rapidly, with high winds obscuring the tracks. Spock shouted for him to slow down so he wouldn't lose sight of the reindeer. It was difficult to hear over the wind, but they did their best to communicate as they moved.  
 

"What is our heading?"

"Santa says they've been gone since right after I left. They all went looking for me. I wanna check with Sam, but I've got a bad feeling about this. I'm afraid the Abominable's got 'em. If he doesn't, that's good, but I need to make sure, before looking anywhere else."

"Do you know where he would take them, if he does have your parents?"

"I think I can find the cave he usually lives in – I know the area. Spock, you…you don't have to come with me, you know."

"You've been willing to help me find my friend. How can I do less when you are in need?"

They fought their way through the worsening snowstorm, and located the gregarious snowman, who confirmed that Donner had headed toward the mountains. Mrs. Donner and Clarice had come past shortly afterward and spoken to Sam. He'd confirmed that Donner had headed that way, but tried to keep them from following him. The Snow Monster had been heard quite often in that area lately. Spock and Rudolph headed the same direction. The going was rough, with the hard-blowing snow making it hard to keep their eyes open.

Fortunately, the Snow Monster cooperated by advertising its location. They were able to follow the roar to the mouth of its home cave.

* * *

 

Having had enough of climbing for the time being, and not entirely sure where Santa's castle or Christmas Town were located, Jim ended up in a forest of pine trees all decked out for Christmas. It was there that he encountered a talking snowman of all things. But, after what he'd seen since being snatched, conversing with a snowman didn't faze him in the least. Sam told him about his friend Spock, who had been looking for him with a contingent of locals, but was now traveling solely with Rudolph, looking for the reindeer's missing family. Apparently they were possibly in danger from the Abominable Snow Monster of the North. Their former companions, Yukon Cornelius and Hermey, had come past here, looking for Rudolph and Spock. Sam had already sent them that way, so he directed Jim toward the same location, warned him of the danger, and wished him good luck. The snowman began singing as Jim heads off.

_Silver and gold_

_Silver and gold_

_Everyone wishes for silver and gold_

Jim thinks as he finds his way. _For a snowman, Sam seems to get around a lot, and know everything that's going on. Nice singing voice, too. Abominable Snow Monster of the North? And Spock's headed out to take it on? Of course, he is. Gonna get himself killed again…_

Fear dredged up memories of a radiation-burned face, blinded eyes, through a transparent aluminum barrier, a hand he couldn't touch. Spock. Unreachable. Lost to him.

_No, not again. Never again._

Jim redoubled his pace.

* * *

 

 

Rudolph saw the cave and took off, practically flying through the entrance. By the time Spock got there and carefully peered in, Rudolph was lying on the floor of the creature's dwelling, unconscious. Spock could see three other reindeer cowering against the wall of the cave. One was a full-grown buck, two were does, one of them quite young. Rudolph's friend, Clarice.

As Spock hung back, assessing the situation, the sounds of voices and barking dogs approached quickly.

"Hey, look!" Hermey tried to direct his companion's attention to Spock's presence, but he was otherwise occupied at the moment.

"Whoa! WHOOOOA! Un-mush, would ya?" The dogs finally seemed to grasp his meaning, and stopped running. The pair joined Spock at the mouth of the cave and peeked inside.

"What do we do? We can't let that monster get ahold of 'em," insisted Hermey.

"I have begun to formulate a rescue strategy," Spock informed them, "but I would welcome suggestions as to how we may draw the creature out of the cave." They moved away and whispered together. Yukon Cornelius had an idea which was either ridiculously brilliant or brilliantly ridiculous.

"Not bad. It might work," the would-be dentist declared after their conference. As Spock and the prospector began ascending the icy mountain, he moved to peer into the cave again. The Snow Monster was looming over the reindeer, slavering hungrily. Rudolph remained unconscious on the floor.

"Oh, why doesn't he get it over with?" cried Clarice. Rudolph stirred on the floor.

"Mom? Clarice!"

"Are you sure we can get him to come out here?" Hermey called up to Yukon, who was joining Spock on the ledge, positioned directly over the cave entrance.

"Never knew the Bumble Snow Monster yet who would turn down a pork dinner for deer meat! Do your stuff!" Cornelius yelled down to the elf.

"Oink, oink." Hermey said, down on hands and knees, but not really feeling the part. 

 

"Put some heart in it! That Bumble's hungry!" Yukon called as he and Spock worked to loosen some nearby boulders and chunks of ice.

" _Oink_ , oink, oink, _oink, oink, oink!_ " the elf grunted more enthusiastically.

The Abominable Snow Monster of the North heard the porcine imitation and turned, slowly lurching toward the exit.

"Spock, if your scheme don't work, get outta the way quick," Yukon Cornelius said to Spock, "coz I'm gonna dump the whole North Pole on his hairy Bumble head.

"As the Snow Monster emerged from his lair, Spock made a quick mental calculation and leapt, landing on the shoulder of the creature, who did not seem to notice. He carefully positioned one hand on the front of the massive neck and his other hand on the back.

 

 

 

"Well, Spock, if you're just gonna give 'im a hug, get outta my way so I can dump this stuff on 'im!" yelled the greatest prospector in the north. Spock ignored him and focused, applying the proper pressure.

Hermey had backed away as soon as the Abominable emerged from the cave. He was the only one in a position to see everything that happened next. As he wondered why the tall elf had decided that hugging the monster was the thing to do, he saw the monster's eyes open VERY widely. The creature stiffened, and then crumpled. Spock, holding fistfuls of long fur on the way down, jumped clear as the creature hit the ground.

Yukon Cornelius whooped and hollered from above.

"Whoo- _hooo_! Spock, you gotta teach me how to do that! All right, now, Dentist. You take it from here!" Those remaining in the cave could hear him clearly.

"It's Yukon Cornelius!" shouted Rudolph. The man in question leaped into the cave, arms wide.

"Ta-da! _In_ person. Oh, and, uh…Hermey and Spock helped, too."

"We're saved!" cried Clarice as Spock and the prospector went to check on the captives.

"Let's get out of here." suggested Donner. Once it was certain that nobody was injured, they all began to head out, but a familiar roaring growl told them their way was blocked. The Abominable Snow Monster was standing between them and freedom.

"Why, blast your hairy Bumble hide!" cursed Yukon Cornelius in frustration. Hermey entered the cave, walking in under the Snow Monster – right between its furry feet.

"Don't let this big blow-hard scare you anymore. Just walk right past him" Hermey held up a pair of pliers and a massive tooth.

Everyone looked up at the Snow Monster, gnawing on his hands with toothless gums, and no longer seeming quite so abominable.

"I tell you, you're lookin' at a mighty humble Bumble!" Yukon waved his arm at the creature, frightening him. "He's nothing without his choppers! Let me at 'im" The prospector gave chase, taunting the creature as it quickly backed away, trying to fend him off. The sled dogs barked excitedly and joined in the chase.

Nobody noticed what they were moving toward, until everyone, monster, prospector and dogs, all disappeared over the ice cliff.

"YUKON!" cried Rudolph and Hermey in unison.

They peered over the edge, but the drop was so far they could neither see nor hear anything below. Even Spock's Vulcan ears could pick up no sounds indicating life.

"He's gone! Oh, he's _gone!_ " Rudolph lamented.

"I am sorry, but I must agree,” confirmed Spock. “It would be illogical to believe anyone could have survived a drop of such magnitude."

They were all saddened at the sudden loss of their boisterous companion, but they realized the only thing left to do is to head back to Christmas Town. Knowing that the Captain had been headed there as well, Spock expected to find Jim waiting for him.

* * *

When James T. Kirk saw that he was nearing the cave that Sam the Snowman had directed him to – supposedly the cave of an Abominable Snow Monster – he was on his own personal Red Alert. Something was wrong – there seemed to be nobody around, even though there should have been an entire entourage. When he was directly outside the cave, he found what looked like giant teeth, mostly obscured by the drifting snow. Brushing the snow aside, he found a few dozen very sharp teeth in a jumbled pile to one side of the cave entrance. Puzzled, he quickly scanned the area, to no avail, then entered the cave. It was completely empty.

Leaving the cave, he thought he heard something. He turned his head to place the source, then moved toward it, until he found himself standing at the edge of a cliff. He could hear something down there, and leaned over to hear better. Panic gripped him as the ground he was standing began to shift.

"Well, crap."

With one movement, he turned around and tried to jump clear, but the force of trying to push himself off the ice cliff broke it loose, and he found himself falling, scrabbling at the air in front of him, for there was no more cliff to grab onto.

* * *

 

The storm had not let up, so the travel was rough for Spock, Hermey and the reindeer, but they made it back sooner than they'd hoped. Everybody at the Clauses' castle was hustling and bustling to finish the preparations for Christmas Eve, but when the missing reindeer returned with their rescuers, the rushing about halted for a while. Spock endeavored to locate his captain, who did not seem to be present. A curious crowd of Santa's elves followed Spock around, staring in wonder. It was obvious they had questions, but once he raised an eyebrow at them, none dared speak.

Hermey related their tale – including how they'd come to join up with Spock and Yukon Cornelius, and all their adventures, from beginning to end. When everybody heard Hermey tell their story, they started to realize they'd been wrong: being different doesn't make someone a misfit, and it doesn't mean they don't have a place in the world. Rudolph talked with Santa about the promise he made to King Moonracer.

"Rudolph, I'm sorry for the way you were treated, and the part that I had in it. You've shown us all how wrong we were." Santa paused when he was wracked with a coughing fit. "And, I promise, as soon as this storm lets up, I'll find homes for all those toys." Santa finished. Donner was standing nearby, and he spoke next.

"And I'm sorry, too, son, for the way I acted."

The noise in the great room was immediately silenced by a loud knock at the doors, and a voice calling out.

"Open up! Isn't a fit night out for man nor beast!" Two elves pulled the doors open, and small whirlwinds of snow blew inside. "Here's the man!" Pulling a rope behind him, in stepped Yukon Cornelius, followed by dogs riding on the sled. "And here's the beast!"

 

 

 

The crowd gasped in horror as the Abominable Snow Monster stuck his head through the door! The prospector shushed the room.

"Now calm down, calm down. I reformed this Bumble. He wants a job. Looky what he can do!" The monster stands next to the nearly-ceiling-high Christmas tree and puts the star on top of the tree. He's as tall as the tree. The room full of elves and reindeer ooooh and aaaah over that little trick.

"And he doesn't' even need a step ladder!" Rudolph spoke over the murmur of the crowd. "But, but you went over the side of the cliff!"

Yukon replied, "Didn't I ever tell you about Bumbles? Bumbles bounce!"

Amid the laughter, a figure in red and white stepped through the still-open door. "So do starship captains, apparently," Jim Kirk said, looking directly at Spock, who inhaled sharply upon seeing his captain. Spock nodded once, slowly exhaling, his eyes smiling, and if there was the faintest hint of a smile touching his mouth as well, the cause was sufficient. Spock moved to stand beside Kirk, watching as the frenzied preparations went back into full swing.

"Starship captains...bounce, sir?" There went the eyebrow. "Should I conclude from that statement that you went over the same cliff as Mr. Cornelius?"

"Interesting fellow, that Yukon Cornelius. He's a survivor. Brash, overly-confident, bigger-than-life." Kirk stated.

"And who better qualified than yourself to recognize those qualities." It slipped out before Spock even realized he was tempted to say it.

 

 

Kirk laughed out loud, laying his hand on Spock's shoulder. "Spock, was that the Vulcan equivalent of 'It takes one to know one'? If so, I must conclude that since you seem to recognize those qualities in me…oh, look at me like that. You _are,_ brash, but in an ever-so-Vulcan way. And don't you try to argue against your over-confidence or bigger-than-life persona, mister. There are witnesses."

Jim turned serious for a moment, eyes and voice softening. "I knew you'd come for me." He squeezed his friend's shoulder.

Spock bowed his head slightly, then looked up, holding Jim’s gaze. "I could not have done otherwise."

Kirk gave him a lopsided grin. "Now…will you introduce me to Santa Claus?"

* * *

 

They found Mr. and Mrs. Claus, in a dining room off the great hall. The cough Spock had noticed when he met Santa in Rudolph's family cave had gotten much worse. The old man was far from his fat, jolly self, instead looking rather thin and sickly. According to Mrs. Claus, he hadn't been eating much for months, and in his weakened condition he'd gotten quite ill, which led to more weight loss. Santa was refusing to rest in bed, too worried about Christmas Eve and the blizzard and how he was going to manage to make his annual rounds. He was cocooned in a blanket, sitting in his chair. An ice pack was on his head, thermometer in his mouth, and his feet were soaking in a tub of hot water. His wife had just given up on her latest attempt to feed him some chicken soup. When he saw Kirk and Spock, he took the thermometer from his mouth to greet them.

"Hello again, Spock. I see you've found him. Hello, James. Had enough mountain climbing for a while, have you?"

Kirk's surprise was cut short when an elf wearing a leather jacket and goggles came in and handed Santa a paper. "Latest weather report, sir," he said.

"Thank you," Santa said to the elf. "Will you gentlemen excuse me?" This was to Jim and Spock, who nodded their understanding and returned to the main room.

In the great room a song had started, which no longer surprised the Starfleet men – it seemed to be the way of this world. The elves were dancing and singing as they worked. _"_

_We are Santa's elves,_

_f_ _illing Santa's shelves._

_Building a toy for each girl and boy_

_Oh, we are Santa's elves"_

Kirk walked carefully amongst the whirling little people, Spock trailing him, and crossed to the opposite side of the room.

_"We've a special job each year,_

_W_ _e don't like to brag,_

_Christmas Eve we always fill Santa's bag."_

Mrs. Claus entered the great room and called for quiet. The song continued, but slowly trailed off.

_"Santa knows who's good_

_Do the things you should…"_

The room quieted to hear her.

"I have bad news. We'll have to cancel Christmas this year."

Murmurs of surprise swept the room.

"I know, I know, but there's just no way around it. Even if the storm wasn’t too bad to fly, Santa is just too sick to go anywhere. It's so sad for the children," Mrs. Claus seemed close to tears, and ducked back out of the room.

James T. Kirk frowned, his brow furrowing in puzzlement.

"Well, _that's_ not how it goes."

"I'm sorry, Captain?"

"Spock, that's not how it happens. Where is…ah, there. Can't miss him. Spock, can I wrangle another introduction out of you?" He grabbed Spock's arm, practically dragging him over to join those standing in a nearby corner.

"Hello, Spock. I'm glad you found your friend," Rudolph greeted his former traveling partner. "Hello, Jim. I'm Rudolph." His nose shone brightly.

"Very pleased to meet you, Rudolph,” Jim smiled broadly, then his expression turned conspiratorial. “Uh...can I talk to you for a minute?" And the captain of the _USS Enterprise_ laid his hand on the reindeer's neck as they walked away from Spock and his elevated eyebrow.

* * *

 

Spock was not certain of precisely what had transpired, but the music and singing started up again after Rudolph had returned from the dining room where Mr. Claus was convalescing. 

One of the loudest voices was coming from outside.

_"Have a holly, jolly Christmas,_

_it's the best time of the year,_

_I don't know if there'll be snow, but have a cup of cheer."_

Spock observed a round, white face peering through a large, frosted window. Of course. He could not enter the heated castle without danger of melting, so Sam the Snowman was leading the song from outside.

__"Have a holly, jolly Christmas, and when you walk down the street,_ _

__Say hello to friends you know and everyone you meet"_ _

_Searching the room, he finally located Jim. Mrs. Claus was approaching the captain. Spock started to move that same direction. _"__

__Ho Ho, the mistle toe, hung where you can see"_ _

Jim Kirk looked up at the small piece of decorative greenery that hung high above his head. He felt a finger poke him in the belly and looked back down. His eyes met those belonging to the belly-poker.

__"Somebody waits for you, kiss her once for me"_ _

He bent down and kissed Mrs. Claus, one quick peck on the lips, then grinned mischievously.

"Will that put me on the naughty list?" he joked. She smiled sweetly, and then took Jim away by the arm to talk in private.

_"Have a holly, jolly Christmas, and in case you didn't hear,_

_Oh by golly, have a holly, jolly Christmas this year!"_

Spock had observed that curious exchange, and wondered about the nature of their conversation. They should be returning to the ship, now that Jim had been located, but the captain was…distracted. Spock found himself walking past a long table, piled high with greenery, presumably decorations that had not yet been put in place.

_"Holly, jolly, holly, jolly, ah..._

_Have a holly, jolly Christmas, and in case you didn't hear"_

A small sprig of greenery with white berries, the same variety that hung from the ceiling in various places, lay on one corner of the table. Spock picked it up to study it more closely. "Interesting," he said, raising one eyebrow at the plant. Obviously, this specimen warranted further study and possibly some experimentation. If any of the elves nearby noticed that it was carefully tucked into a pocket, rather than laid back on the table, not a word was said.

_"Oh by golly, have a holly, jolly Christmas this year!"_

"Whatcha got there, Spock?" The Vulcan did not – quite – jump. Jim had obviously finished conferring and decided to sneak up on his friend.

"Nothing of consequence," was his dismissal of any further inquiry. "Jim, we should return to the ship."

"Not yet, Spock. This…mission…isn't over."

"Mission, Captain? I am not aware – "

"Not an assignment from Starfleet, Spock. I'm taking on a mission here. You can get back to the ship, though. Let everyone know I'm okay. Wow, look at those elves work – it's almost ready to go."

"Captain?"

"The sleigh. Santa's sleigh is nearly full."

"But, Mr. Claus is…" Spock stopped mid-sentence, as Mrs. Claus appeared next to Jim, who bent to allow her to place a white-fur-trimmed red cap atop his head. The colors matched his Starfleet uniform exactly. Jim straightened up, and she poked his abdomen with her index finger.

"Laugh for me," she prompted.

Jim giggled.

"Well,” she sighed, shrugging. “It'll have to do.” She stepped back.

"Shall I accompany you, Captain?"

"While you do rather look the part of an elf, Spock, a _very tall_ elf, I've got this. I know how the story ends, and believe it or not, as a little kid, I was always kind of jealous of Santa, thought he had the best job in the universe. I’ll see you on the ship when I'm done here. Maybe you can start figuring out how to spin our report to Starfleet so don’t get psych evals. And….I…I'm forgetting something…. Oh, yeah. Now…let's do this right." Jim found who he was looking for and walked right up to him, kneeling down so they were face to face.

"Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" Jim managed to keep a straight face until the end, then he lit up with a wide smile.

"It would be an honor, sir."

From somewhere in the room, a rather nasal voice broke in.

"See? I knew that nose would be useful one day. I knew it all along! Ouch!” Mrs. Donner had kicked her husband.

After that, everything happened in somewhat of a blur. The reindeer were suddenly all in their places, the sleigh was piled high.

"Don't worry about me Spock, the reindeer know the drill. I'll be fine," he winked at the Vulcan, who did not wink back. Nor did he smile. Much.

"Ready, Rudolph?" Jim called out.

"Ready, Sant – I mean, Jim. Ready, Jim."

"Well, let's get going. Rudolph, turn that nose up to eleven. First stop, the Island of Misfit Toys!"

* * *

 

Spock was in his quarters, working on the report to Starfleet about the recent events. He was ensuring it would be sufficiently unimaginative as to eliminate the likelihood of the entire bridge crew being subject to mental evaluation. That nobody ever questioned the Vulcan assertion that “Vulcans cannot lie” had always fascinated him. There is no logic in taking such a claim as true, when it is said by those to whom it applies. When it was in the best interest of the crew, Spock could deceive, inveigle and obfuscate with the best of them – that “best of them” being Jim Kirk.

The door slid open to reveal Jim, sans red and white fur cap, hands behind his back. Spock stopped working and rose. He moved half the distance to the door, and stopped, nodding to his captain, who was already through the door. "Brought you someone. Thing. Some-thing…I think." Jim shook his head at himself. He almost revealed what had been hidden behind his back, but kept it partially hidden. _Was that an old-style Earth firearm?_

"How about that Island of Misfit Toys, eh, Spock? They were so excited to see me, they all jumped on board the sleigh at once. If you'd been along there wouldn't have been room for all of 'em. Moonracer was a bit surprised – he'd never expected to see me again."

"The firearm, Jim?"

"Spock, it's a toy water pistol. Er...jelly pistol."

Spock raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"I’m sorry, Spock, but it insisted. Refused to get off the sleigh to go to the home of a little boy or girl – do you have any idea how persistent a living toy can be? And when it's one that can shoot you with jelly – it's quite a sticky situation," he gave a little chuckle and smiled hopefully at Spock, looking for a positive reaction to his little joke. Still nothing. He shook his head and continued.

"It felt really bad about shooting you. Would not shut up telling me what happened and how terribly mortified it was, because you looked so solemn and dignified, and it was so careless and…well, you get the idea. So, I had no choice. And that _scooter_ …Oh, Spock. That scooter. When it found out my name, it was obsessed. Convinced it was made for me, and it belonged to me and I to it. It was _stalking_ me."

"Did you explain that it was in error?"

"Of course, but it turns out animated toys are quite single-minded."

"And now I am to be the owner of an animated…jelly pistol?" Spock was definitely not smirking, as Vulcans do not smirk. Ever.

"Well, not exactly. Once we left the orbit of _Rankin_ , it stopped talking. And once we left the _Bass_ system, it wasn't moving. Same with the scooter. Now, they're just toys. Maybe the labs can figure out why that happened. Or…how they were 'alive' in the first place."

Kirk aimed the toy weapon at his first officer, took aim, and made a _pyooo, pyooo, pyooo_ sound, grinning maniacally. Spock looked at the ceiling – the Vulcan equivalent of an eye roll – which sent Jim into a fit of laughter. Something on Spock’s desk caught his eye.

"Mistletoe? Doing some research in the social sciences, Mr. Spock?" he teased. Spock joined him next to the desk and took the plant specimen in his hand, holding it between the two of them so both could see it more closely.

“The species appeared to be  _Viscum album_ , extinct on Earth for over a century, I was compelled to obtain a sample,” explained Spock. “My hope is to successfully propagate it for reintroduction on Earth.”

“Spock, you old romantic.” Jim playfully punched Spock on the shoulder. “That sounds like a great idea. Just don’t leave it lying around, okay? No need to encourage fraternization among the crew.”

“Indeed.”

"But now, Mr. Spock, one last thing” Jim said, grinning at his friend as he pulled the red and white fur hat back on his head. “Santa needs to know – are you naughty or are you nice?"

Spock considered. He had always put the needs of the crew ahead of himself, even to the point of death. But, he also broke the rules on occasion, even defying Starfleet when blind obedience would have resulted in a less than desirable outcome. The command crew, if not the entire crew, no longer believed he was completely logical and without feeling. He knew how to respond.

Kirk, looking at his friend with curious eyes, asked again. “Well, Mr. Spock? Naughty or nice?”

Smiling with eyes alone, Spock poked Santa Jim in the belly with a single finger, and gave his reply.

“Both.”

Then, Spock winked at his captain and said, “Ho, ho, ho.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you get any references? Mention them in comments and I'll confirm or deny.
> 
> Chapter titles were lines pulled from songs I like, because I stink at titles and those seemed to work.
> 
> Thanks for reading. If you seen any egregious or even just annoying errors, please do tell. This is my first time posting at AO3, tho I've read bunches here. I've got some other TOS works I'll be posting here. Eventually. Subscribe me, maybe....?


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